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Reference Library: Dave's Top 10 Lists

From: (Jim Richard)
Organization: Amdahl Corporation, Sunnyvale CA
Date: Sat, 14 Jan 1995 17:55:02 GMT

[On February 7, 1994, The Late Show with David Letterman was partially concerned with whether or not The Beatles would be appearing on the show, since it was 30 years ago that day that the Beatles first appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show, and the David Letterman show is now taped for CBS in the Ed Sullivan Theatre in New York. The Beatles didn't show. However, this was Dave's Top Ten List that night... -dh]

Top 10 Signs the Beatles May Be Here Tonight

10. Giant Yellow Submarine parked in front of theater
9. Street vendors selling Ringo dogs
8. They were supposed to be on last night but we ran out of time
7. The entire theater smells like Liverpool
6. Pete Best spotted in the standby ticket line
5. Saw Dan Rather outside waving his autograph book
4. Late last night Ringo's hairpiece arrived at JFK
3. Letterman spent his day warming up for post-show jam session
2. Yoko Ono spotted outside theater holding lead pipe
1. Hell has just frozen over

- Jim


From: dn124@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Jason Mole)
Subject: Beatles Humor part 2
Date: 27 May 1998 18:03:39 GMT

[David Letterman Top 10 List - November 22, 1995]

Top Ten Signs The Other Beatles Don't Like You

10. Whenever you start talking, they say, "Let it be, Bonehead"
9. You're making less money from the reunion than Pete Best
8. You find out you were the inspiration for "Nowhere Man"
7. If you didn't see it in T.V. Guide, you wouldn't have known
    about a reunion
6. The only way you can get their attention is by eating
    Christmas ornaments (Cut to shot of Anton eating
5. After you spent the week working on a painting for the cover,
    they decide to go with "The White Album"
4. They make you sit in the back of Air Force One
3. When they hear you play, they say, "Wow -- you're even
    worse than Ringo!"
2. They won't stop singing "We hate you - yeah, yeah, yeah!"
1. Always trying to set you up with Yoko

(Another David Letterman Top 10 List, date unknown...)

Top Ten Revalations in Albert Goldman's Upcoming Biography of Ringo

10. Only Beatle to portray himself in Beatlemania
9. Used to give John and Paul token songs to sing so they wouldn't feel
    left out
8. Had a secretary named Lincoln, while Lincoln had a secretary named
7. For a while, actually believed Paul was dead
6. Served in Indiana National Guard during Vietnam War
5. Suggested "Hey, Hey, We're the Monkees" as Beatles theme song
4. On their honeymoon, he and Barbara Bach held a "bed-in" to promote
    Seagrams's wine coolers
3. Made a fortune selling cheesy Ginsu Knife sets on TV (I'm sorry-that's
    revelations about Ronco)
2. Advised Paul that "Hey Dude" just didn't sound right
1. Vocal on "Octopus's Garden" played backwards sounds like "Thank God
    these other guys are so talented"
"How can you laugh when you know I'm down"-The Beatles
"I'm not trying to cause a big sensation, talking bout my generation"-The Who
"You're not me, there-fore you're irrelevant"-Dogbert

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